My Urvaan

Now playing in Seattle, WA. I needed help to heal my grieving heart. I needed someone with whom I could be absolutely honest about how I was feeling and dealing with the miscarriage. I was also coming to the conclusion that my marriage is slowly dimming out. I wanted to lean on someone, unburden myself, and I found support in a very good therapist. She helped me normalize the pain. I could share my angst when I saw a colleague's baby shower, my random breakdowns, my need to appear calm and composed at work when every ounce of my body was shattering. She helped me by listening in a non-judgmental way, helped me stay balanced at a time when I could have very easily sunk into the despair of self misery. She made it OK for me to just be. Never underestimate the power of a good therapist. They are worth the time and money. I underwent a fundamental shift in three transformative ways (a) I made my health a number one priority (b) I accepted and gradually unmasked my true self (c) I am le...

The year stepped in calmly. We are living in separate states, him in Washington and me in South Carolina. Career is a priority, and I am striving every day to be a better leader. I am learning from peers, reading books like Radical Candor, and Hard Things About Hard Things. Most of my time is spent on building the function (team, processes, and culture) from the ground up. He is balancing his work and also shuttling between the two states. It is overwhelming at times, and by March we felt the need to take some time off. We drove down to a serene island, Kiawah Island in South Carolina and spend few days tucked away in a luxurious resort, enjoying the calmness and privacy of a private island. Then, sometime around March-end, the year started its topsy turvy-ness. At work, unexpectedly, the leadership changed and everything I had achieved in the last couple of months became less important. Politics, scapegoating, reduction in my role started. Stressed, I started oscillating between ...

Lived: numerous hotels across suburbs of Illinois, and South Carolina This year will go down as a season of tornados; that uprooted everything, created chaos, and once again taught me how to pick up and put back the pieces, and to move on. The year started with dewdrops of happiness. My youngest brother in law got married and we visited India for his wedding. Across three weddings in the family, this was the one I enjoyed the most. There was a lightness about everything. From the smallest ceremonies to the wedding itself, the days were filled with happiness. I also took a few days out to visit my nanihal, Allahabad.  After Ashu, there will always be an element of sadness in the lives of everyone he left behind, a shadow that will forever mask some aspect of lives barring happiness to completely touch it. While back in Mumbai, I spent time with my two little hurricanes, my nieces. They make me realize how simple it is to be happy, how important it is to care, and there is not...

Year 2017  Lived in: Illinois, US Laying down the roots, however temporary they may be- The year started with us making our new house our home. Much time was spent picking furniture and art work. The house has its quirks and sometimes maintaining it can be quite exhausting, but for the most part, we are enjoying being home owners. We have moved a lot in the last 8 years, so being tethered to someplace is a welcome change. Celebrating relationships- As we settle in the new place we are slowly building our new social circle. We hosted our first "Holi Party" and it was wonderful. I have grown to appreciate the importance of maintaining one's culture in a foreign land. My parents, who live in India visited us for the first time and it was lovely having them over. We celebrated mother's day, and few birthdays (papa's, husband's, and mine). We travelled to Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, and across Chicagoland. I and husband...

Year 2016- Lived in: Illinois, US New city, new job, and new beginnings- I packed my life in boxes, layered everything in the backseat of my car and bid adieu to an old city to journey onwards. Farewell Knoxville and Hello Chicago! I have always felt a certain affinity with Chicago, its a city that literally rose from the ashes, something that both I and her have in common. The husband moved from New Jersey and we arrived in Chicago, right in the midst of chilling winter. On our first day, it was about -3C and someone informed me that the city is having a relatively mild winter. Small mercies. I hung a big orange and white T-flag in my cube. My colleagues think its an indication of my zealous support for our football team, and I smile and pretend it is. But the Tennessee flag means much more to me. Going back to school helped me fight depression, gave me a new purpose, opened new opportunities, and in many ways saved my life and for th...

Highlights of 2015- Lived in :Tennessee (67%), New Jersey (8%) and Illinois (25%), US For the first time, I lived with a room mate Lived in new cities, New Jersey and Chicago Skydived over Wisconsin farmlands. The most exhilarating couple secs of my life, suspended between gush of high blowing wind, and soaking in the peace of floating in the air. It makes you an addict. Saw five back to back movies, starting with first show in the morning 11am until evening 10ish. This was one of the bucket list things Stumbled across the works of Edgar Degas at MET, and immediately fell in love with his art. As part of our internship experience, we decided to march in the pride parade at Chicago. The experience was amazing.I realized that validation matters, and so does getting the free stuff. Alcohol is not allowed, and one gets high on the love, support, and energy. It was electric. Traveled to France and Switzerland. The laid back nature of the French and the undescribable beauty ...

Couple days ago I finished first year in the MBA program. Before starting the B-school, I was nervous and afraid that I won't be able to cope being a full time student. Voices in my head screamed that I am just setting myself for failure. Self doubt roared that I am being a fool, going back to school after a gap of ten years. Being out of job for a year and dealing with my medical situation, I started school with an overwhelming sense that I will never survive. But, as the course progressed, I discovered myself. I found strength and self-belief. Perhaps, things are different this time compare to undergrad, because this time, I am truly interested in learning. I finished the first year with a personal best GPA, an internship in my area of interest, and few real friends. From my experience, I would like to share that it is never too late to have new dreams, aspirations, and to crave out new paths. Venturing out in the unknown can be scary, but you will emerge...

I want to be a successful business owner, make millions and buy an apartment in upper west side Manhattan. a horse farm in Colorado. I don't want to be a conformist. I don't want to do things because my family or society expects it from me. I want to live for myself and do what is right for me. I want to be financially independent. I want to grow every day- as a person, read more books, travel to new places and experience new adventure. I don't want to be a hoarder. I am perfectly happy with my limited wardrobe, shoes and one bag. I want a right size house. I don't want to live in an overly large or overly cramped house. I want to own one sports car- BMW Z4 some Merc I want to write one amazing book that becomes a New York Times bestseller. inspires someone to be a better person

Happiness is a house full of books, winter evenings laced with slow snowfall, fireplace burning bright and a glass of wine. It is summer evenings paired with cold coffee, and rainy days to race paper boats. No TV to suck the life out, a steady paycheck, a vocation in which I can take pride, money to travel, an opportunity to make a difference in the world, and a love and home to come back to.

Year 2014- Lived in: India (33%), Kentucky (25%) and Tennessee (42%), US Juxtaposed, that's how this year passed. I transcended from being miserable to ecstatic before finally accepting, that in this precious life of mine, I will outlive both- happy and sad times. I started this year (Feb) by creating www.wonderfulthingshappen.com The primary motivation for building this platform is to find love for those who love differently. Through this project, I have met some really nice women and some real drama queens. It gave me an opportunity to peek into the life-struggles, heartaches, and highs of complete strangers. I realize everyone is hung on this idea of love, real love in the end is going to save us from the life’s storms. April, May, June, and July were spent in India, fighting my infertility. I underwent laparoscopy, followed by IVF treatment. Those months were the most painful times that almost broke me. I learned the complete hopelessness of the situation. But hope...

Snapshot of the last 365 days- the good, the bad and the ugly Lived in: Kentucky, US Random shit of the year- Losing  job Heartbreak of the year- Losing  Penny Sucky moments- Not doing well in an exam that was important and coming to terms with my own physiological limitations Happy moments- Brother in law's engagement and birth of my niece  Good deeds of this year- The annual Nanhi Kali sponsorship, the yearly donation to cancer charity and funding Jill Andrews's project on Kickstarter New skills learned- Baking cake from scratch thanks to my blogger friend SA and also learned to make some really kick ass Mojitos. I need to mention that my mum discovered the magic of smartphones and has suddenly become very tech savvy Materialistic possessions of this year- my Tag Heuer and our BMW X1 New Music/Band discovery-  Jill Andrews, Leonie Casanova and Imagine Dragons.  Good Books- I read couple of books this year but nothing special really( Manuscript fo...

Tell me about a time when you were hurt. Talk to me about the day when you thought you couldn't survive. Tell me about the time when you wanted to disappear . Did you try to stop the ride? Stranger, have you ever cried a river?  Tell me about your first crush. Did you ever call and forgot to speak and then kept calling till you muster the courage to say hello? Maybe you never said hello. How long was your longest crush? Tell me about your first love and all the loves thereafter. Did you ever tell someone you love, that you love them? Do you really believe that happiness is all that matters, even if it means you not being part of it? Did you ever write love songs?  Did you stop asking questions because the answer would just disappoint ? Did you build walls around your heart and were terrified of letting someone in? Did you think you could never love again? Have you ever gone to bed wishing that you never wake up? Have you screamed without a sound? Did you fight for somethi...

Yes, so it happened. I turned 30. Not sure what was I expecting but it felt like just another day, another year. The general feeling of being super excited on birthday has worn off. It was a usual day, I got up late, spoke to my  family and couple of friends who remembered my birthday. Made my favorite- dahi ka aloo for lunch. Later in the evening we went for dinner and somewhere in between I sat alone with a glass of wine ( AB was off to school). Yes, there was a cake too, a slice of it 

My India trip was  also filled with heartache. Couple of days before returning to US (on 10th May 2013), we lost our beloved Penny . She died of natural causes and is buried near the Chenab river at Jammu, foothills of Ma Vaishodevi. Her loss has hit all of us terribly, specially my parents. People who ever lost a pet, like a loved one can understand the heartache it is. She was 13 years old. All four of us were present and Rishi did her burial. She was so happy and active when I first saw her back in April, excited jumping and running around. Waking me in middle of night, asking the food I bought her from US and just being her naughty self. I miss her terribly. I came across a text from Plato where he said, "We consider death as evil when in reality we don't know. It may be the greatest blessing" .  I like to think it that way. She was blessed and is in a far happier place now. May her soul rest in peace. Here is the last picture of her which I took in...

Lived in: Kentucky, US 2012 was a difficult year.Honestly, I have been waiting for couple of months for it to end. The year was marred with  loss , suffering and setbacks. It did had some occasional highs like both AB and I were promoted at work , travel s to new places ( New Orleans, Upper Michigan and Philadelphia) and some new experiences like attending my first concert ( Lady A), watching Zakir Hussain perform and learning Spanish . For Christmas holidays, my cousins, uncle and aunt visited us from Canada and it was so nice to spend sometime with them. I and my sisters baked brownies and chocolate covered strawberries. After they left, we drove up north to Philadelphia to meet AB's friends.We celebrated New Year's Eve with them. We did dress up but ended up staying at home, dancing to loud hindi music, drank, chatted and saw fireworks from our friends's 17th floor downtown apartment. Ending the year in the company of family and friends was the best kick ...

I believe in reincarnations and I believe that all souls have to undergo various life forms before it achieves the form of human life. Human life is said to be the ultimate gift from god and our opportunity to break free from the cycle of life and death and ultimately our path to Moksh. Now, I am not sure whether my life would qualify for a Moksh but I sure do know that there are things which I MUST experience before the end comes knocking, I call them Giftcards and have classified them under Familia, Travel, Adventure, Sports and ultimately as Experience Everything Once.  Familia- 1. Fall in love and marry the nicest guy on Earth ( Got married in 2009) : What else do I say, I got lucky . I often tell Abhi that he is my " Happy Gift from God". Yes, thats the only explanation I can think of, someone up there is Happy with me and Abhi is the way he shows his blessing. Its been 4 years since we met and will be 3 years of our marriage in Feb and our marriage has bee...